SOLVED BY AUTOSOMAL DNA & THE LONG ROAD (In A Nutshell)

SOLVED BY AUTOSOMAL DNA & THE LONG ROAD

(In a nutshell)

After having  a Christmas miracle on December 12, 2014

(read about that here: https://janetkloos.wordpress.com/2015/11/21/life-other-fairy-tales-volume-one/ )

While embarking on a new roller coaster of emotions, creating new bonds with Siblings, Nieces, Nephews, Aunts and Cousins. Which in my wildest dreams I never could have imagined would become a reality for me, as stuff like this only happened to other people.

I knew to venture into this journey with ONLY wanting to know.

I accepted that aspect, I knew not to expect anything and to prepare for the feeling of rejection. After all I was me, and because of that fact, I knew I didn’t fit in well anywhere. It was something I always knew and understood.  I braced myself for rejection, as it always was a feeling I had prevailing in many aspects of my life.
So when I found out that no matter what I was accepted and they wanted to know me, I was so very unprepared for that curve in the roller coaster.

Yet through it all, the question remained, and the subject seemed to always come up with questions I could not answer.
“Do you know who your biological dad is/was?”
“Have you found him?  Do you know anything about him?”
“Do you have other siblings? Are you looking for him or them? Do they know about you?”

I only had information provided from the adoption agency in repeated attempts for answers, The information was so very vague.

  As well as background information surrounding my adoption, as I wrote word for word what I had been given in a previous post.

(Read more here : https://janetkloos.wordpress.com/…/an-ocean-of-tears-and-l…/ )

I also had a prenatal record from my mother when she was pregnant with me.  It had a name listed for the father, but that had been heavily crossed out, xeroxed, and given to me.

Many tried to analyze it, all that could be certain was the characteristics of the name contained no hang down letters, appeared to be of cursive writing, was shorter rather than longer and had a dotted letter in the middle that we were certain wan an ” i ”

After nothing but dead ends,  I learned my only hope would likely be Autosomal DNA.
But, I really wondered if it was even going to help me at all.

I didn’t really understand much about it, the cost of such test was out of my reach financially.

I joined a group on Facebook called DNA DETECTIVES.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/DNADetectives/
I knew it was formed for those whom had taken DNA to help them.

(Genetic genealogists focused on finding biological family for adoptees, foundlings, donor-conceived individuals, unknown paternity and all other types of unknown parentage cases However everyone was welcome.)

I had not had taken an Autosomal DNA test taken yet, However, I joined anyways.

The group was mentioned a lot in the other group I had joined called

SEARCH SQUAD

https://www.facebook.com/groups/searchelpers/
Which when I joined in Nov 2014,

It barely had 4,500 people and as of now its well over 30,000 people strong.

In the beginning weeks of Jan 2015, Amazingly a refund check I was not expecting came in the mail. It was enough to cover the cost of having Autosomal  DNA testing done.
To me it seemed like a miracle, a sign from above to purchase a DNA kit.

I started getting really excited.

THIS IS IT!!

I was now able to purchase a kit. I am now even closer to maybe, just maybe, as well just might be closer to answering questions of the unknown.
I was told I had a Paternal half sister, maybe doing DNA, I can find her, Maybe!

I didn’t understand Autosomal DNA, I knew what DNA was, but did not completely understand how the test worked.

A few days later I had a message.
My new found Maternal Brother found the month before, was preparing to visit. AWESOME!!

His birthday also was right around the corner. This would be the FIRST ever birthday since finding out. My other maternal siblings had helped to purchase a ticket for him so he could visit.

Well the DNA test can wait after all, MY BROTHERS COMING!

It is almost his birthday as well.

That must have been the reason for the unexpected refund check in the mail.

I would be able to do something special for him. Granted, it would not be much, but I hoped I could do something to try and make it special for him. We talked about it non stop, anticipating and preparing for it, words cannot express how I felt.

This was all a dream.

The day was almost here, Late the night before, he was set to journey from over 2,000 miles away to Southern California, His plans fell apart.

Devastated, hurt, angry, crushed, and ashamed at myself for feeling those feelings upset as well, I went to bed.
I had a headache, it was late and I felt like a fool to some degree.

A million reasons why he was not coming went through my mind.
He had said, he couldn’t wait to show me JUST how much he missed me.

Was THIS how much he missed me?

I was so hurt I had no idea what to make of it.
I started 5th guessing everything we had talked about.

What did i do wrong?

Had I done something wrong?

I had no idea what to think.

Worse yet, the next morning, he had vanished, deleted me from his Facebook, and wouldn’t answer his phone.

I felt heart broken and my other siblings and everyone who knew he was to visit were asking:

“What happened, where is he?”

“Why didn’t he come out there?”

I had no idea how to even answer that, as I didn’t know myself.

Months passed.

I had placed my truck for sale, it sold for what I felt was a fair price.
I thought awesome, I can do DNA.
Well perfect timing once again, as a homeowner I received notice of an anticipated escrow shortage.

I could pay several hundred up front or have my payments adjusted monthly.

I figured paying it up front, long term put me in a better position than having payments adjusted.
large chunk gone.

I also paid a loan back that was because of the truck in the first place, Another large chunk gone there as well.

All that seemed to remain was crumbs.

One thing was certain I was doing DNA.

To me at this point, It was likely my only option.

I had to take a gamble to buy a D.N.A. kit, or always wonder for answers that by me doing D.N.A. just may provide easier.

At best perhaps would at least help someone else,

If nothing had become of it for me.

Perhaps, I would be someones answer to a prayer they were praying for.
I ordered a kit from Ancestry, and waited for it to arrive.

A few days later , the kit arrived.

I took the test the following morning, May 8th, 2015. I made sure to register it online with Ancestry.

I knew I would not be able to get the results if I forgot this important step.

  I handed it personally to the mail carrier that day.

It now was on its way to the lab.
I became nervous in the following weeks, It was only a few states away it had to travel. I had no way to track it in route but I knew it should have gotten there within 2 weeks.

I was frustrated, where was the test, was it floating around lost in the USA?

On June 2nd, 2015

The test status was updated to reflect it had arrived at lab.

Finally, it is there.
On June 4th the status changed again.

It had now entered processing.

Regardless of repeatedly checking online for a change in status about 200x a day,

June 24th i was informed there was an error reading the test and would have to re submit another sample.

I knew it my DNA was too twisted to unravel!

Ancestry sent me another kit. and it arrived, I took the test and registered it online and sent it off on July 1st, 2015.
arrived July 7th.

By July 10th it was processing, This time I only checked for results 199x a day.

FINALLY

July 25th 2015 My Ancestry DNA results arrived.

Ethnicity Estimate

One 2nd cousin, Eight 3rd cousins, 222 4th or and beyond cousins.The results seemed overwhelming.
What was i looking at?
My closest match was 279 shared cM across 20 DNA segments.

It was traced and confirmed to be my mothers-father’s-brother’s daughter.

My 2nd cousin.
That was conformation the family I had found after searching 27 years was indeed the correct one.
There were no questions arising, we just knew.
However after searching so long. as an adoptee, there was a thought in the back of my mind as i waited on the DNA results,

“What if?  What if it isn’t them?

Oh, wow, I was thinking no matter what, I was keeping them.
NO matter what, as there were just too many signs proving otherwise. So if in fact the results showed otherwise the DNA test despite its accuracy, would be wrong!

However rest assured , They were correct.

One of my 3rd cousins

108 cM shared across 8 DNA segments listed was her son, (my 2nd cousin, Once removed)

My next step was to download my Raw Autosomal DNA results

(What is Raw DNA?)

( http://dna.ancestry.com/en/legal/us/faq#raw-1 )

Then upload them free to FTDNA

https://www.familytreedna.com/login.aspx

as well as

Gedmatch.

https://www.gedmatch.com/login1.php

So my results could be compared to others from other testing sites who had either tested there or transferred DNA information as well as to the Gedmatch database collection of acquired kits uploaded by users. 

Resulting in more cousin matches, as well as gain ability to use tools to help understand and separate my results.
While trying to sort my matches, it seemed they kept overlapping and going in circles.There was a tool called “Are your parents related?” on Gedmatch.

Well my mother and father shared 9.8 cM’s.

A centiMorgan (cM) has a long technical definition,
but an easy way to understand what it is is in a nutshell this way.

cM is a reference to a measurement regarding DNA
the more cM you share the closer the relationship.
There’s is total shared, and largest shared.
largest means the cM of DNA was longer than little bits of DNA.

Like having little pieces of chocolate vs large pieces,
More and bigger is always best,
when it comes to chocolate and DNA.

This tool showed my mother and father were cousins but not very close cousins and  possibly had no idea they were related.
the would have been about distant cousins.
So what.

My siblings told me they didn’t care how I was made,
just that I was there now, and loved me no matter what.

They say the squeaky wheel gets the grease.
I felt so lost in all of this despite trying my best to understand it all.
I was exhausted in my search and with my search.

I ranted, begged, and pleaded.

If someone, anyone, would just PLEASE help.

Please , I begged anyone I could.

I felt so lost in it all, and felt maybe I just wasn’t smart enough
to figure it out.

If someone would please help me. I felt so desperate.

I tried to connect all the cousin matches near and far to people, trying to see where that led me.

I felt like i had been knocked to my knees so the only thing i could do was pray.

I prayed that If somehow I could see a sign, or someone would help me, I promised God, I would never take it for granted and help anyone, anyway , no matter how small to others, to help them get their answers.

Numerous Angels came forward in all areas of searching techniques
I shared everything I had acquired as well has done.

Some triangulated my DNA matches, many stayed up nights on end, building bones to my paternal tree and did what was called tree mirroring.

What is a mirrored tree?

http://www.borninneworleans.com/dna/finding-shared-ancestors/

Close to hundred or so people had tried with all their skills to restore the name scribbled out. They looked for clues in my Non ID. Some spent hours on the phone with me.

We started to focus on an 3rd cousin

This cousin match and I had  134 cM shared across 6 DNA segments.

This 3rd cousin matched no DNA shared with my 2nd cousin or her son.

I tried to learn what they were doing and HOW they were doing it.  It was like learning a Foreign language and I had never heard it spoken before.

I was so frustrated.
I thought maybe I  was just not smart enough. Maybe because of a twin error in the search for my mother that I didn’t have confidence in me much.

The Angels kept telling me how and what they were doing.

However, I just didn’t seem to grasp it.

I had met a woman named CeCe Moore.

http://www.yourgeneticgenealogist.com/p/about-me.html

 She was confident that the answer could be found in the descendants of a particular Great Grandfather.

She based this theory due to the characteristics
of the name scribbled out, as well as DNA matches, but I just couldn’t find him matching any information given to me from the adoption agency.
based on my Non ID in the mirrored tree with well over 800 people built from my 3rd cousin match.
I would follow every child born and married, as well as their children from the 1840’s. That one Great Grandfather alone,  we had him and 16 sibling possibilities to build out.
There were so many it seemed. Each generation seemed to populate entire villages.

I started to second guess Cece’s train of thought, after all she is human I thought.  Perhaps she is wrong.

How could she possibly know this?

Does she have some kind of super power into the unknown?

She cant be right all the time, and so many have worked this and been stumped.

How could she know this?

I had just met her very recently,  so I was skeptical and questioned everything.
She was adamant in her conclusion.

At this time,  every single moment of the day, 18 hour days, that turned into weeks that started turning into months had been worked on this non stop.

I felt I was no more closer than to not have done all this. I felt like I was on a wild goose chase and wanted to just give up.

I was okay with that emotionally as what was happening was very unhealthy to me.

I was frustrated ready to break.

I focused on reaching out to cousin matches and sharing my story.

Those, I,  at least could find.

It was now past 28 years in my journey into the unknown.

In searching for people. I found many, easily and fast.

Some were willing to help anyway they could.

One of my closest matches sadly had passed on, Some wouldn’t respond.

Some just had no desire to help or they were insistent I was on the wrong trail regardless of evidence provided.

Many would share invites to their trees, but due to either due to the fact I did not have a paid subscription to Ancestry, I could not view that information, which basically rendered it useless to me and created more frustration. Many times i had not received the invites alone.  A problem I still encounter with Ancestry, and thus set up a secondary account just to receive those.

It seemed as if I was a starving rabbit, seeing a carrot just beyond my reach.

One of my close matches had an administered account, that meant they were not the actual test taker but was the gate keeper of the treasure locked out of my reach.
She was so very kind but did not know how to help me. She was leaving on a trip and allowed me access into her paid account for the next 10 days, in hopes it would be of use to me

I took THOUSANDS of screen shots of everything i saw and saved them to my computer. It felt like it was a now or never. So everything I seen was saved.

My computer started freezing due to low memory so i transferred everything to USB flash drive.

I may want, or need that, I thought.

During this time,  I  also was in contact with another close cousin. I basically  was her best match. There was one above me,  but they never seemed to respond and I matched them as well.

She was an adoptee and her current state of health was uncertain.

After listening to her story, I thought how could I NOT help her.
My physical heath is stable, hers was uncertain. she deserves to know. My answers can wait. I prayed she would get her answers first, mine can wait.

When I took the DNA test,  I thought if nothing became of it,  at least maybe I can help someone else.

At the same time, I figured if I  didn’t know how I fit, how can I possibly help her?

I had come to the point where i  was getting very creative in finding tidbits of trees and finding how they connected to my tree.
I started looking on Facebook  with the surname we were certain of, looking for clues. If their friends list was not visible, looking thru pictures.  If  no pictures were available to see, I looked to see  who has clicked like on their photos.

I had come across many I thought I had seen resemblances between them and I. At this time I didn’t know if there was,  or I  was just wanting to think there was.

Scouring profiles with these questions in mind.
Who are they related too?

Do they fit into my mirrored tree?

How do they fit into my mirrored tree?

Can I prove them NOT to fit into the puzzle?

I contacted a woman named Lisa .

Stating I had reason to believe we may be related, but I was unsure exactly just how.

She replied back,
Skeptical of validity of my message, yet, intrigued and wanted to know more.

I shared all the steps I  had taken, the information I was given regarding my adoption, screenshots of the mirrored tree we had built so far along with why I believed we were related.
I had also connected her in chat to angels working on my case.

She helped as much as she could and directed me to the elders, as perhaps they would know more. After digging into her Facebook as she suggested, I noticed there were people associated with her whom worked where my mother worked.

Maybe, just maybe, she knew my mother.

The odds to that were about one in a billion I thought.

I shared my mothers picture as well as her obituary with Lisa.

http://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=gr&GRid=118662963

Incredibly! I had beaten the odds.

Lisa was virtually speechless and in complete shock,  not only did she know my mother she had worked with her as well.
I contacted the elders I  was referred too, by their own admission, they were related to Lisa as well as descending from my Great Great Grandfathers line.
This gave me conformation I  was on to something, but what?
Where would it lead me?

Lisa and I were certain we were related, but how we fit together was unknown.

Weeks went by and Lisa kept asking me questions if I had found anything new out. Frustrated, I had nothing more to give her.

I resumed my efforts in creative approaches and mistook a surname spelling on Facebook.
I don’t think it was a mistake after all, I believe it was divine intervention.
(read about that here: https://janetkloos.wordpress.com/…/all-in-gods-perfect-tim…/ )

In messaging with the mistaken identity on Facebook, within 48 hours of reaching out to her a major breakthrough occurred.

I now had a name as the possible Birth father on September 26th 2015.

This was the highest possibility ever in 28 years of research.
I asked Lisa whom they were, she immediately filled me in. The name referenced was a closer rather than further degree of cousin-ship.
Lisa had chills .
We did a criminal background check, and obtained personal contact info.
Filled with anxiety, Entire mind in a blur,  I rehearsed a phone call.

He answered.
What transpired next, no matter how many years one thinks one is prepared, its all a blur.
No amount of preparation , nor the drafted letters I had written seemed useful at this moment.
Stammering sentences and praying I was coherent, everything seemed surreal.
I had rehearsed very basic questions and conveyed a very basic idea of why I was calling, that i wasn’t some prankster.

That call lasted about 90 seconds.
I did call back later that day.  What transpired is a whole separate entry itself.
Days later a private DNA test was taken.

The results of that were its own roadblock I encountered, but prevailed.

I only wanted to know if I could stop looking.

I felt I deserved that much.
In the end the results came back and the Birth father was confirmed.
Lisa and I knew exactly how we fit together.

Lisa was overwhelmed and in tears of happiness.
Lisa felt overjoyed we had had our answers and more importantly i had found mine.
And to have been a part in all of this as it unfolded.

Extremely blessed and feels my mother guided me to her.

Looking back, and moving forward

Still searching for my cousins answers and pray we will find them, I feel we are close and maybe found it but have over looked it somehow.
My brother and I are in touch. We still have heart to heart talks. As for the reasons the visit didn’t come to fruition, him and I have talked about that.I let him know how I felt and he let me know how he felt.
It had nothing to do directly with me, what it had to do with, I understand, However it is not my story to tell.
Cece Moore and her work?, Incredible, Brilliant, and Right. I know she has wings on her back and tries to blend in as human.
As for Lisa, paper trail says 3rd cousin. We know we are closer than that, more like sisters.

What started as a journey into the unknown, was now, in fact known.
I can finally stop looking and wondering for I have swam hundreds of oceans, Climbed many mountains, Fought with dozens of demons, Prayed my soul and heart out and met and danced with many Angels .
I may not be where I need to be but am getting there in monumental leaps.

I am just happy I am not where I was.

Amazing things happen when you believe

TO BE CONTINUED …..